“We are never really angry at the thing we think we are upset about”
"We are never really angry at what we think we are upset about."
A story from a while ago...
I woke up to the sound of my husband making cashew milk in our not-so-great blender while our Vitamix was out for repair.
The blender was overfilled, and milk was gently spilling from all sides.
Something about that sight triggered an instant surge of anger within me. I launched into lecturing him about how to use the blender. I knew better, after all. I didn’t make messes when I used it.
“Why aren’t you listening to me? If you did, there wouldn’t be a mess!” I snapped.
The more I went on with my story, the stronger the anger built. Sensing a storm brewing, my partner gently took me into his arms and asked, “Are you okay? What’s really going on?”
In that moment, a wave of sadness washed over me. Tears welled up, and as I let them flow, the truth became clear. It wasn’t about the spilled milk. It wasn’t about his lack of attention, or him ignoring my superior blender advice. The sight of milk overflowing from the blender was a perfect mirror of how I’d been feeling all week.
I was overly full—my emotions spinning out of control, spilling from all sides.
When I said, “Why aren’t you listening to me? If you did, there wouldn’t be no mess,” what I was really saying was: I need your attention right now because there’s a big mess inside of me.
The things that trigger strong emotions or reactions on the outside are almost always reflections of unattended pain within. Where there is anger, there is always hurt.
Today, I hope you attend to yourself with loving compassion and kind curiosity🤍
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